It was really interesting because, for the Golden Joysticks,I was at a convention when those nominations were released, so I was completely focused on something else and I didn’t even think about it.When I found out about the nomination for the Golden Joysticks, I was like just shocked and like: “Whoa, this came from out of nowhere!”Whiplash! Now I got to think about the awards season and all that. It really set everything off.
For the Game Awards nominations, they have a livestream. It was really funny because it started at 9 AM and I logged into the stream at 9:02, but by 10 – first of all, my dad was calling me and I’m like: “Dad, give me a second. I’m busy, I got to watch this stream so I can see if I’m nominated” – and by the time I had gotten into the stream, my category had already been announced and I was getting congratulations messages.
So, I didn’t actually see myself get announced that I was nominated, but then I went back and watched the VOD later. So, it was very chaotic… in the best sort of way.
No, he just happened to call at the exact moment that I needed my phone to be free. [Laughs]
I guess a little bit more prepared. I was a little less like: “Whoa, wait a minute, is that happening? Is it awards season?”
But, at the same time, I didn’t expect a nomination for myself. Especially knowing that the Game Awards didn’t have a supporting performer category, they just have Best Performance. And that, I really didn’t expect that .
My fellow nominees are all incredible. And for some of them, it’s not their first nomination.And they’ve all been in multiple games as these characters as well. It’s a lot to be standing next to them, metaphorically.
Which is crazy to think about.
I sometimes feel like, because Aerith was my first role, I sometimes still have a little Imposter Syndrome about feeling like I belong on that stage and with these nominations.Just because it’s, I mean, it’s my first role. And even though, yes, I’ve been doing it now for five years, and I visited her through three games. It still feels like: “Me? What am I doing here?”
How do you combat that Imposter Syndrome?
The thing about Imposter Syndrome is, it’s always going to be there for me, I think. But I don’t let it affect my behavior.And I think that’s the kind of crucial part for me.
When I was recording for [Final Fantasy VII ] Remake , the first game, I was hit with such incredible Imposter Syndrome because it’s such a technically challenging process to voice act but also to localize from Japanese into English.I would be like crying in my car thinking like: “This is just too hard. I can’t do this.”
But I would look at myself in the mirror and tell myself: “Okay, so you feel that way, but you’re still going to go into work tomorrow if they’ll have you, right?”Yep. Yes, I am. [Laughs]
So, Imposter Syndrome, it’s almost like, I have these feelings and I accept and acknowledge them, but at the same time, I’m still going to do what I set out to do.If I don’t belong here, fine. But I am here. I’m going to do my best. And that’s all I can do.
If I don’t feel like I’m doing a good job, what do I need to do to make myself better?I worked with coaches, and I took classes, and I learned everything that I possibly could, and I tried to hone my ear. All of those things were super challenging, but they helped me feel more prepared when it came to recording for Final Fantasy VII Rebirth . So that I could really feel a lot more free and just focus on the acting part of it and not so much the technical part of it.
Back to the beginning of this relationship with Aerith, and your relationship with kind of the games industry overall, when you first were getting the audition for the role, what was that research process like considering that Final Fantasy has so much lore and expectation that comes with it?
Well, when I got the audition material, they told me a codename for the game. They didn’t tell me what game it was for. And luckily, because I’m a gamer, I knew already kind of what this was about.
But I also thought there was no way that they would cast me because I’ve never done anything like this and I’m completely unknown. And her previous English voice actresses are very successful, talented, and famous. You know, Mandy Moore, Mena Suvari, Andrea Bowen, they’re legends, right? And I’m not.
So, I really thought that I was going to go into it, not book the audition, but maybe they would consider me for like a side character if I did well? Which does happen in this industry quite a lot.
I thought I would never book it, and this would be the funnest audition of my life that I’d never be able to talk about. But, I still prepared for it as if I was going to do my best. You know, despite my expectations, I was still going to do my best.
I started with a Google search, like many of us do. And of course, the first thing that pops up is [that] Aerith is one of the most legendary iconic characters in gaming because of her death in 1997. It shocked gamers around the world and ripped everyone’s hearts into pieces. That’s part of why I never thought I would become involved with this character because she’s that iconic.
I watched Advent Children , which is the movie that is a sequel to the original Final Fantasy VII . And I watched some playthroughs on YouTube, and some story synopsis, and I read as much as I could about her character.
From there, I had to listen to her Japanese voice actress and try to honor her performance. Maaya Sakamoto has been voicing Aerith since the very beginning. She’s never had another Japanese voice actress.I had to honor her performance because I knew that, going into the audition, that would be primarily what the process is involved in. I listened to Maaya’s version in my headphones, and then I give my version based on what the translators have written in my script.
So, I listened to her voice and then listened to all the previous English voice actresses as well. And then I just, I sat here at my streaming setup, and I gave a few takes of the audition and I listened back and I said, “Could I give it a little bit more breath?” And so, I listened back, and then I did it again. I just did that probably for a couple hours, maybe. And then I had the audition the next day.
Do you think that mentality of going into it with “Oh, I don’t know if I’m really going to get this” helped free you up a bit?
It must have. I mean, I just went in there wanting to have some fun and like make a cool memory. I had no expectations. And that must have helped me.
But I don’t, it’s so hard to know, even in hindsight. It’s so hard to know how I was perceived by others, or if it was really just my voice. I don’t know. It’s one of those impossible questions.
Well, you did definitely make quite a few memories in the last five years with Aerith.
Quite a few.
And you touched on the localization process of making the game and how thorough that was. But I wanted to know, as someone who loves video games and anime, how that felt to be involved in the nitty-gritty of the localization process from the behind-the-scenes perspective?
It was the coolest thing ever. It still is. Because I know as a fan of these games how exciting it is to anticipate how it’s going to turn out, and then finally get it in your hands and then play it and: “Oh, it’s exactly what I imagined it would be and better.”
And so, then to be a part of the process, being able to have the feeling of: “Oh, I know what’s happening and people are gonna love it!” That like little giddy like “I know something they don’t know” was like just absolutely thrilling!
But a lot of pressure, of course, too, because I can’t say anything. So all of that was very blended together into one complex, complicated experience.
But for the most part, it was just thrilling to be able to… I’ve said in the past “to see how the sausage is made”, but you don’t want to see how the sausage is made, but you do want to see how video games are made. It’s like watching a behind-the-scenes documentary, but you’re living it. It was really cool.
That’s a little bit of what I wanted to touch on. We’re kind of in an era where so many people who are involved in the video games industry grew up loving games themselves. So how does it feel to balance being like a professional in a fandom space and a fan at the same time?
I wonder about that sometimes. I wonder if me being such a hardcore fan does affect the roles that I book.
Luckily, or maybe not luckily, I don’t know. When I asked the casting director: “Oh, you called me in because I’m a gamer, right?” She said no. She had no idea that I was a gamer, that I had a YouTube channel, that I was a fan. She had no idea when she called me in.
So, I do wonder sometimes if that affects whether or not people want to bring me in behind the booth. But for the most part, it’s just really cool for me. Because when I’m recording, I really only have access to exactly what I need and nothing more. So, I see Aerith’s lines, and if I need to see the whole conversation, I’ll see the whole conversation. But I don’t get a script ahead of time to see like Barret and Cloud having a conversation. If Aerith’s not involved, I don’t read it.
When I get to play the game, I then get to be the fan too, because there are parts of the game that I have no idea this was going to happen. And so, I do get to have a little bit of that separation. Honestly, it feels for the most part, like I get the best of both worlds.
Are there things you remember, in either Remake or Rebirth , that surprised you most when you played it?
I would say the order of things, in an overarching way. Because we record out of order.
So sometimes, without getting into specifics, the game developers will change the order of some things in order to keep you guessing. Like, “Oh, what’s going to happen?” Well, we all know because we played the original Final Fantasy VII that A happens, B happens, and then C happens. But sometimes in the game, they’ll do A happens, B happens, D happens … is C still going to happen? And then it does.
We all record completely out of order, for the most part.We’ll do sometimes like the main story, and then the side stuff, or, you know, we’ll do pickups of different scenes that weren’t ready yet for us. So, the order of things is completely fresh to me and a total surprise.
But also sometimes there are things that didn’t happen in the original Final Fantasy VII that the Whispers end up getting involved in, and those things are complete surprises to me.
Speaking of things that aren’t surprising, we touched upon Aerith’s iconic death. Video games are often an escape for people, but also there are a lot of really serious themes that can happen in video games that can help people work through grief, and work through some more serious issues.Could you touch on that balance between video games being an escape, but also being a source of empathy?
I think Final Fantasy does a really good job of that, specifically. Because when you look at some games that are lauded as being story-based games, it’s almost like it’s very dark, and it completely takes you away from your everyday humdrum life into a darker place. And that can help you put a film over it, a lens over it, to help you look at dark things from a safe distance.
And that’s actually a studied thing that we use in therapy, right? Like, in order to help process trauma, sometimes you put a lens over it to study it from a distance, or you put someone else in your shoes in order to be able to process it.
Final Fantasy does that because the stakes are really, really high. I mean, the planet is at stake. It’s life or death, and death is real. Like, a lot of these characters that we know and love are dying, and so the stakes are really high. But it also balances it out with these really silly, goofy moments, and the little vacation at Costa del Sol.
You get to see these characters that have gone through intense emotional trauma, but then they also get to have a little bit of fun. I really like that about Final Fantasy , because it gives you hope that even if you’re going through a dark time, it won’t always be that way. Even if the stakes of your life are completely so high that you just, you don’t think you’re going to make it out on the other side of whatever situation you’re in, even in that, you can still have fun.You can still make a joke, you can still crack a smile, and you can still hang out with your friends. You don’t have to wallow in it.
I think that’s what I love about Final Fantasy VII Rebirth , specifically, is tragedy is present because that’s life. But also, have fun. I think that’s a really beautiful message.
Have you had experiences with, maybe not just video games, but any kind of media where something happened in it that helped you process something in your own life?
Yeah, I am really, really fond of Life is Strange for that reason.
I had a very tough teenagehood because I’m someone who feels things very deeply. I was called very dramatic as a child. And hey, she became an actor, we can’t be that surprised! But because I feel things very deeply, and especially when the hormones are raging and everybody else is just as hormonal, everything feels like the end of the world, even if it’s just your friend didn’t want to hang out with you that night.
Life is Strange does such a great job of honoring what it means to just be a heart-cracked-open, bleeding-everywhere kind of teenager without patronizing it, and without sugarcoating it, and without making it seem like you’re on the outside looking in. Because on the outside looking in at teenagehood, it can be very: “Wow, you need to calm down. Relax. It’s not that big of a deal.” When you’re on the other side of it. But when you’re in it, it really feels like it is a big deal. And Life is Strange did a really good job of that.
When I finished that game, I really did feel like it healed something in me. It broke me because it’s a very intense game as well, but it healed something in me to know that, yeah, it almost is a universal experience.